


Confused Hearts

by nothingelsematters



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, kinkmeme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingelsematters/pseuds/nothingelsematters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Jason asked out another skater*, and the one time the skater said yes.</p><p>(Fill for a prompt on the Winter Olympic kink meme: http://olympics-kink.livejournal.com/1124.html?thread=201060#t201060 )</p><p>*I know Jason's friend Sara no longer skates, but she did once...that counts, right?</p><p>Also, I had to butcher the timeline slightly...the Highland Park Prom was actually after Junior Worlds, but here, it's before. Because Reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confused Hearts

**1\. Gracie Gold**

The first time Jason sees her, he is awestruck by how pretty she is. With her long blonde hair and her dark eyes, she looks like a dream to a gangly, awkward fourteen-year-old who still isn’t quite sure who he is.

Jason still isn’t sure if he’s gay or straight, but when when Gracie says hello to him it makes him feel all warm and happy, so he decides that there could be no harm in trying out a relationship with a girl.

But when he asks Gracie to be his girlfriend, he is surprised when she giggles, and pats him on the head, and tells him sweetly that she doesn’t like him _that_ way. And Jason is very disappointed, but he is not devastated, and hopes that one day Gracie finds the Prince Charming she dreams of.

(Later, he will agree that Max is a most suitable Prince Charming.)

 

**2\. Steven Evans**

Jason is only a little bit older, a little bit less gangly, but no less awkward when he meets Steven Evans for the first time face-to-face. The other boy is taller, older, handsome, elegant, and graceful, and Jason’s confused little heart latches on to the polite, smiling way he says hello.

Of course, this is Novice now, not little Juvenile or Intermediate. Jason knows he’s underpowered with only the triple Salchow and triple toe, but he wants to skate his best, not just to win a medal, but to impress this handsome boy.

They make the podium, and of course Joshua wins, but Steven is second, and Jason gets to share the podium with him. Steven’s laugh is nice, and gentle, and it makes Jason want to snuggle into him forever.

Later, at the banquet, Jason gathers together his courage and asks if Steven has a boyfriend.

Steven just smiles kindly. “I do, and even if I did not, it could not be you. I’m sorry, Jason.”

Jason is left with a kiss on the top of his head and feeling very lonely in the middle of the room.

(He doesn’t realise that on that podium there was another confused heart, and a pair of blue eyes that watch him.)

 

**3\. Max Aaron**

Max is Jewish, like him. That’s how they start spending more time together, when they bump into each other while looking for a quiet place to say their pre-skate prayers.

Jason is less confused these days, but still worried about how the feelings in his heart can possibly go together with the God he still believes in. Meeting Max is almost a relief, because quietly, in confession, they admit that they have sinful thoughts.

Max is older than Jason, and already has the body of a man, while Jason is still a gawky, awkward boy. Jason can’t help it if he noticed the fine-tuned muscles, the taut backside, the more confident demeanour.

Max is also very friendly, and so nice. And when Jason is National Junior Champion, Max is the second skater to congratulate him. It’s Max who gives him his first slice of cake at the little party they have that night, and laughs when Jason ends up with frosting everywhere.

It’s less of a question and more of a clumsy kiss, in a quiet corner during the party, and Max looks very surprised when Jason suddenly grabs him.

“Oh Jason,” he says, aghast. “You’re wonderful, but you’ll never be more than my friend.”

Jason tries to pretend it doesn’t matter, but he can feel Max’s sad gaze for the rest of the night.

(He remains oblivious to the blue eyes that also follow him.)

 

**4\. Han Yan**

Jason considers himself to be quite an intelligent person; smart and sensitive. But every now and again, he proves himself human, and prone to error.

The one he makes at the party after the Junior Grand Prix Final is one he considers his biggest for quite some time.

Han is Chinese, he reminds himself forcibly afterwards. Chinese. Homosexuality is illegal there. Han has probably grown up all his life being told it is a terrible and bad thing, and not allowed.

They’ve been friendly and fun the whole time, trying to communicate with their fractured knowledge of each others’ languages. Han smiles at him, and Jason feels good. He’s no longer gangly, no longer awkward, and for the first time, he’s starting to feel like a man.

He blames the giddiness of his gold medal for his decision to kiss Han on the cheek and ask him to come back to his room.

Han’s bewildered, slightly horrified look brings Jason back to his senses, and he has to quickly cover with a happy grin and a smooch on Han’s other cheek, and an offer to play bananagrams. The kisses are forgotten in the ensuing laughter, but Jason kicks himself for quite some time.

(He doesn’t know the blue eyes are still watching him.)

 

**5\. Sara**

It’s been years since Jason questioned his sexuality. Years. He can’t remember the last time he did.

But tonight is the night of his prom, and he has Sara in his arms, holding her close to his chest as they dance, and his heart starts to beat just that little bit faster.

Sara has been his best friend for years. They grew up together, learned to skate together, and even when Sara stopped skating they stayed close. They had told each other all their secrets, their joys and fears. There is nothing Jason doesn’t know about Sara.

What he knows now is that he doesn’t want this moment to end. That his heart beating faster is not imagination, but rather, a result of having Sara close against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Jason drops his head and breathes in.

He is convinced that this is love. It doesn’t make sense, and yet it does, and it’s wonderful and crazy and scary at the same time.

But Sara pulls away when he tries to kiss her, and she laughs gently and taps him softly on the nose.

“Oh Jason,” she says, her voice full of sorrow and warmth. “You don’t love me. Your heart isn’t mine. And I couldn’t say yes, knowing that there was another.”

It takes Jason a long time to understand what she means.

(When he does, he laughs too – at himself.)

 

**6\. Joshua**

_When did Joshua get so handsome_?

Jason wonders if Josh had always been this good-looking, or whether it happened overnight. Somehow, even since Nationals, Josh seems to have got more handsome. He carries it well, too; no arrogance, no snobbery, just a shy quiet smile and a blush if someone compliments his looks.

It’s very cute.

Jason figures he should probably be upset at the moment; after all, the margin was so narrow; if not for that botched jump combination in the short, it might be him with the gold, might be _him_ with the adoring fan-club...

...no, he’s kidding, Josh can keep the groupies. Jason giggles as he remembers them in Minsk, ignoring him and Han, and begging Josh to marry them, or their daughters.

And suddenly Josh is there, smiling at him.

“What are you laughing about?”

“I was remembering Minsk, and the dozens of proposals you got there,” Jason teases, and he is rewarded by the most beautiful blush creeping up Josh’s cheeks.

“It was bad enough there, and I was only silver then.” His smile broadens into a grin. “Here we are again, one and two, on the podium together.”

Jason raises his glass of lemonade. “May it be that way forever!”

Josh nods, but his face has grown suddenly serious, too serious for a party. Jason looks around and realises that somehow they have ended up in a dark corner. No-one will see them. He looks up, and meets the gaze of those blue eyes.

He had thought his heart had beat faster when he was dancing with Sara – it was galloping now, racing, sprinting at full speed as though he’d just skated his long all over again.

Joshua. The memories crowded in. The little ten year olds, meeting for the very first time. As twelve year olds, sharing an Intermediate podium. Then fourteen year olds at Novice. Fifteen, and their Junior year. Sixteen and Seniors, and Jason remembers Josh bawling his eyes out, remembers sitting with Josh in the hospital and holding his hand as he slept because Tom wasn’t there and his parents hadn’t arrived yet and Josh was afraid to be alone. Seventeen, and that Junior Worlds...and now here they were, both young men, the two best Juniors in the World.

Joshua smiles again, softer this time, his eyes bright, and he breaks the silence with a whisper.

“I’d wait forever, you know.”

Jason’s eyes widen, and suddenly his heart is full to bursting, and joy sings through every nerve, every muscle of his body, and it’s an insane feeling, like that brief moment at the height of the triple Axel –

 _This_ is love.

“You don’t have to wait anymore,” he says finally, and grabs Josh. He banishes his fear, his memories of others who’ve pushed him away, and kisses him with as much force and feeling as he can muster.

But Joshua doesn’t pull away, or push him away; instead his arms go around Jason’s waist, and he pulls them closer together. They kiss for a long, melting moment, before Damon Allen’s soft cough breaks them apart.

“If you two wish to celebrate in that way, I suggest you do it privately,” he says pointedly; no-one else has noticed them yet, but the party is getting noisier, and it’s only a matter of time.

Josh links his fingers with Jason’s and lifts them to his lips.

“Shall we leave?”

“Yes,” Jason answers, feeling light and giddy and delighted. “Yes, I think we shall. But only...only if...will you...?”

He can’t get the question out. But Josh just smiles and winks.

“Of course.”

(Max laughs at them, one arm firmly around Gracie’s waist, when they tell him. “Of course you are. I knew it would happen one day.” Gracie smiles and wishes them the best.)

(Steven Evans is delighted, when he finds them both again at Nationals, and learns of their secret. It’s been years, but he hadn’t forgotten.)

(Sara, of course, knew all along, since Jason was ten years old, who his heart was really given to, and she was so happy that they had got there at last, not least because she got to collect on her bet with Kori about when it would be.)

(And the blue eyes now watched happily, no longer longing, no longer jealous, and neither heart confused.)

END.

 


End file.
